


neon

by fullfoxy



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: ATEEZ - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Enemies to Lovers, Friends With Benefits, Hate to Love, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, but I love him, hongjoong is a producer, my first long fic, seonghwa is a dancer, seonghwa needs to calm down, they are all in the same school, yeosang is a clown
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2020-10-13 12:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20582864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullfoxy/pseuds/fullfoxy
Summary: “Well you should keep your promises Kim Hongjoong”. “I do” “clearly not, are promises not important to you?” “they are. Do you promise to stop being an asshole?” “I don’t make promises I can’t keep, unlike you”.





	1. Camomile or milk tea, what do you want?

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone, this is my first attempt at an actual fic that will last longer than just one chapter (whoops) nothing i post is beta read and its late so im sorry for any mistakes.

‘Yeosang I know it helps you concentrate but could you PLEASE turn down the music’. Hongjoong sighs and rubs his temples. He has to finish this essay and hand it in tomorrow, but his amazing roommate Yeosang is blasting BTS at 1 am.  
‘the neighbors are going to complain’ ‘let them’. Hongjoong turns around in his chair to look at the other. ‘oh, now you can react. I see how it is’. Yeosang just laughs at that. ‘Remind me to put up a form for a new roommate’ ‘I’ll make one for you’. 

Hongjoong didn’t understand why he had to write this essay anyway. He liked producing and writing songs, not writing about the history of music or the way you build a song. He had been spending most of his free time writing songs. He was thinking of letting Yeosang and a couple of his other friends sing and rap but he sure as hell wasn’t going to tell them that now. Wooyoung would be way too excited and ask about it every day.

It was now almost 2 am. Yeosang decided this was the best time to facetime his by far most annoying friend, Park Seonghwa. This man always knows how to get on his nerves. ‘is your nerd friend also there?’. See? Park Seonghwa is an asshole. Yeosang shifted to side in his chair to show Hongjoong. ‘hey nerd what are you doing? Being a little bitch as always huh?’. Before Hongjoong could put up his middle finger, Yeosang rolled back with the speed of light. ‘Hey don’t talk to Joong Hyung that way. Not cool’. Hongjoong could hear Seonghwa’s eye-roll at that comment.

///

‘Hey Joongie, want to get some coffee after class? Yeosang is coming too’. Hongjoong wonders if San ever runs out of energy. Probably not. ‘It’s Hongjoong Hyung to you’. San laughed ‘See you at pink stars later!!’. And he was already on his way back to his class. ‘Be there by 3!’. As hyper as San was most of the time, Hongjoong kind of liked him. He always waves at him when he is walking around campus, looking like a dead person because he hasn’t had his coffee yet. And that secretly made him smile. Not that he would EVER admit that.

The end of the day came quickly, and Hongjoong found himself being just a little excited to catch up with his friends. Yeosang and San were already there, sipping their coffee. ‘Should you be drinking coffee San? Don’t you think you have enough energy?’. Yeosang looks up ‘Yes good day to you too Hongjoong, do you have to be like this all the time?’. Hongjoong sits down and takes off his coat. ‘Yes, as long as you play BTS till 1 am, and have 500 alarms at the asscrack of dawn’. San turns to Yeosang too ‘What is your favorite song? And choreo?’ Hongjoong swears he has never seen Yeosang smile this hard. Before they start talking his ears off about the boy group Hongjoong gets up to get his drink.

‘Hongjoong we wanted to ask you something’. Hongjoong snaps out of thoughts to look up at his friends. ‘What is it?’. Yeosang is playing with a napkin and San is suddenly very interested in his, already empty, coffee mug. ‘Guys seriously what is going on?’. Now Hongjoong is getting nervous too. 

‘Okay so listen, we know you don’t really like Hwa but- ‘. Hongjoong scoffs ‘understatement of the decade’. Yeosang sighs. ‘But we think you could help him out’. Hongjoong just stares at Yeosang. ‘The final project is in two months, you know he’s a dancer, he just needs someone to make a track’. Hongjoong rolls his eyes. ‘He knows YouTube exists right? And Spotify? Apple music???’. ‘Hyung, listen- ‘‘no it’s not just that, it is also the fact that he is always mean to me for no reason. Plus, we also need to write an entire essay about the project’. Hongjoong doesn’t need to mention he hates essays; he is almost famous for that. 

‘Hyung listen, I know, but you also know that this would give you extra points. I mean have you ever seen Seonghwa Hyung dance?’. Hongjoong hated to admit Yeosang was right. ‘Yes, I know, and no I have never seen him dance’. Yeosang and San give each other a look. ‘He’s really good, you should check his YouTube. I mean I know we're friends, but I would definitely- ‘‘alright San’ Yeosang grabs Hongjoong’s hand. ‘Please just consider it alright? It would help both of you out, I know you haven’t even started with you project Hyung’. 

Hongjoong has a hard time falling asleep that night. And this time it’s not because of Yeosang and his obnoxiously loud music. His thoughts are going so fast he can’t keep track. He hates Seonghwa, he does. But Yeosang did have a point, Hongjoong hasn’t started with his project yet and there wasn’t much time left. Besides, maybe he could get Seonghwa to write the essay. Yeah, he could do that right? Maybe Seonghwa isn’t that bad.


	2. I’m scared of your cold eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongjoong breaks a promise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I finally made a chapter two for one of my fics!! wow!! I actually really enjoy writing this. also I never know what to write in the summary so sorry if it's sucky. okay that's all. enjoy !!!!

Hongjoong was wrong. Very wrong. He walked up to Seonghwa today, all confident, and asked him to come to his house after class. You know, to run some ideas. And Seonghwa, the lovely guy he is, said: “Are you asking me on a date Kim Hongjoong?”. And then he laughed. “Hey guys Kim Hongjoong is asking me on a date”. Hongjoong sighed. “Very mature Seonghwa, you know both of us could use the extra points”. “You can call me Hyung, Kim Hongjoong”. Hongjoong was proud of himself for not punching the other right there and then. “I don’t think- “Alright my classes end at 1 PM today, be on time Kim”. Without saying another word Seonghwa walked away.

The entire ride home was pure hell to Hongjoong. Seonghwa and him were sitting in the back seats of Yeosang’s car. Normally Hongjoong would drown the both of them out with his headphones, but of course, he forgot those at home today. So not only did he have to listen to the BTS songs he could recite in his sleep, but he also had to listen to Seonghwa bragging about dancing and singing the entire ride. Why is Yeosang even friends with this guy?

When they were finally settled in front of Hongjoong’s laptop Seonghwa went on to talk about himself. “So, you have NEVER seen any of my videos?”. “Yes, that is what I just said Seonghwa”. He rolled his eyes and grabbed Hongjoong’s laptop from his lap. “Here this is probably the best one, not that you have any knowledge of dancing”. And for once Seonghwa was right. 

The video seemed to be a few years old, as Seonghwa still had black hair, instead of the now light blonde. Hongjoong tried his best to spot mistakes but to be honest, he is a really good dancer. “Wow, no sarcastic comments? I expected better Kim Hongjoong”. Hongjoong was speechless for a second. He was not about to admit he liked Seonghwa’s dancing though. “Do you have to call me by my full name all the time? It’s getting annoying Seonghwa”. Seonghwa just smirked. “It’s Seonghwa Hyung”. 

The whole afternoon was extremely tiring for Hongjoong. The more frustrated he got the more Seonghwa made annoying comments. He also got distracted extremely fast. So, at the end of the evening, they pretty much didn’t have anything to work with. Hongjoong was about to tell Seonghwa to leave when he said something. “So, you write music? Let me hear something so I know what I’m working with”. “Well, I only have one finished song… And it’s still only a demo”. Seonghwa stared at him for a second and then raised his eyebrows. “I showed you my dancing”.

Hongjoong grabbed his phone from his pocket and started scrolling through all the demos and drabbles. “Okay here it is, it’s called from”. He put his phone on the table in front of them and started playing with his shirt. Writing a song is always very personal and Hongjoong still had a hard time letting people hear his work. Maybe Seonghwa feels that way about his dancing as well. Well no he talked about it for so long he must be confident. Seonghwa snapped him out of his thoughts. “It’s okay, I guess. Are you the one who’s singing too?”. Hongjoong nodded. “Also, some of my friends” “Not bad Kim Hongjoong”. 

///

“So, you and Seonghwa were talking yesterday huh? Like normal people who don’t hate each other”. Hongjoong did not even look up from his phone. “Yeosang don’t talk with your mouth full”. San laughed. “You two are like a married couple”. Yeosang made a face and Hongjoong rolled his eyes. “Never in a million years” “I would rather die”. “Don’t we all want to die”. Wooyoung dropped his bag next to Hongjoong and sat down with a deep sigh. “What’s up with you today Wooyoungie”. Wooyoung looked up at san. “Nothing don’t worry about it”. Yeosang and Hongjoong gave each other a look. Hongjoong would talk to Wooyoung later, he had a feeling what it was about.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa had agreed to meet at least two times a week to practice and work on the essay on their own. Hongjoong was sitting in the middle of an empty practice room, working on a new song, when Seonghwa came in. “What’s up Kim Hongjoong”. Hongjoong stopped writing. Just a few weeks he told himself. Then it would be over. “You’re late Seonghwa”. Seonghwa walked straight through the room, to the back where the dressing room was. “Hyung. Seonghwa Hyung”. Hongjoong rolled his eyes.

Hongjoong had little pieces of the song that he played for Seonghwa so he could practice. He still wasn’t sure for the lyrics, but the music was more important for Seonghwa anyway. As Seonghwa was warming up Hongjoong could not get his eyes off him. Sure, Seonghwa was the biggest asshole on this planet but that didn’t mean Hongjoong can’t look. “Like what you see Kim Hongjoong?”. Hongjoong scuffed but still kept looking. There was something about the way he moved his body. And besides, what’s wrong with looking at a handsome man, right?

By the time Seonghwa was taking a break, Hongjoong had the first half of the song. “You are pretty quick with writing Kim Hongjoong”. He nodded, it was true, but he was already starting to lose his concentration. “Do you want to dance with me? You look distracted”. Hongjoong got up and sat down again. “I am not that good at dancing” “Yeah no shit, listen its clear I am much better than you, but I can’t have you sitting around like that” “why not?”. Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “it's distracting”.   
And with that, he walked to the laptop to start the music again. Seonghwa tried teaching Hongjoong the steps that he had made so far. For the first time, Hongjoong didn’t feel like punching Seonghwa in his face. “And for the chorus, I was thinking something like this”. Hongjoong put his hands on his knees, completely out of breath. “Yeah, that’s great Seonghwa”. All he saw was body rolls and the way Seonghwa moved his hips. He had been in this small room for too long, he was starting to get high from all the cologne and deodorant Seonghwa wore. 

“Hyung. And are you even listening?”. Seonghwa stepped closer to Hongjoong. It was silent for a second. Was Seonghwa always this tall? His cologne smelled pretty good- Hongjoong looked at the clock. “Fuck I promised Yeosang I would make dinner; he’s going to be pissed”. “Well, you should keep your promises Kim Hongjoong”. “I do” “clearly not, are promises not important to you?” “they are. Do you promise to stop being an asshole?” “I don’t make promises I can’t keep, unlike you”. They had been getting closer and closer without noticing until Hongjoong’s feet touched Seonghwa’s. 

And it got quiet again. Hongjoong’s heart was suddenly racing. Why was there so much tension? Did Seonghwa’s breath get unsteady or did he imagine that? “So, I’ll see you next Tuesday?”. Hongjoong snapped out of his thoughts. “Yes, Tuesday that’s right”. “Okay, bye nerd”. Seonghwa took a step back and made his way to the dressing room. Hongjoong felt like finally stopped holding his breath, even though he wasn’t holding it in.


	3. Show me your real face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lot off gay things go down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this took so long! school and work are keeping me busy but i still love writing so. also im sorry if this doesnt make sense i kept writing short parts instead of the entire chapter at once. okay thats all. enjoy!

For the first time in the 4 years they had been living together, Hongjoong was the one keeping Yeosang awake. He had been watching Seonghwa’s videos for hours now. It was not his fault he had so much right? Hongjoong is a hard worker and usually finishes all his work on time. Tonight he decided he decided to let it go though. 

It was about 3:30 A.M when he had watched every single video on Seonghwa’s channel. He felt a little like a creep for watching his mortal enemy like that. “God I thought it would never end”. Yeosang’s tired voice sounded from the upper bunk bed. “Hey, Hyung did you know that headphones exist? They are amazing”. Hongjoong rolled his eyes even though Yeosang couldn’t see him. “Yeosang if I have to listen to Jungkook and Seokjin every day you can listen to this for one night”.

Yeosang is silent for a while. “Wooyoungie likes Bangtan”. Hongjoong laughs. “Wooyoung likes everything”. Yeosang shakes his head at that comment. “You’re right, but he likes San the most”. Hongjoong buries his face in his hands and sighs. “Yes he does, and it’s obvious Sani likes him too”. “Do you think something happened between them?”. “Oh, I don’t think, I know, my dear Yeosangie”. Yeosang lets out the most dramatic noise. “Don’t EVER say that again”. “Okay. Goodnight my dear Yeosangie”. 

Hongjoong gets to school an hour too early since Yeosang starts earlier than him and Hongjoong wanted to go by car. He doesn’t like public transport and besides, he can finish his homework now. He makes his way to the music room, which is usually empty, so he can make his homework in peace. Before he can get in he already hears voices. Now Hongjoong is not someone who listens in on other people’s private conversations but it sounds like San. And his friends would tell him later, right?

He doesn’t understand much except for a few words like “I’m sorry” and some irritating words. When it gets quiet after a few minutes Hongjoong takes that as his cue to get in. He opens the door to find Wooyoung and San all over each other.  
Wooyoung has San pushed against the wall in what looks like a rather uncomfortable position. They don’t even hear the door opening. At this point, Hongjoong can’t tell if they’re making out or eating each other’s face.

“Hey, guys if you could let me know when you’re done sticking your tongue down each other’s throats so I can finish my homework, that would be great”. They immediately pull away, turning red in their face and ears. Especially Wooyoung. “Hyung I’m- This is not-“. Hongjoong rolls his eyes. “Get out or be productive”. Wooyoung grabs San’s hand and they run out. “Bye Hyuuungg” San manages to scream before Wooyoung pulls him out of the classroom. 

///

Hongjoong has almost finished his song for school, he only needs to perfect it and listen to it one more time. The choreo is almost done too. All there is left to do is the giant essay that comes with the performance. Neither of them wants to write it though. 

“What if we play rock paper scissors” “No Seonghwa I’m not doing that, that’s just plain stupid”. Seonghwa is sitting on the floor in front of Hongjoong in his chair. There is sweat dripping off his forehead and he’s still a little out of breath. None of that distracts Hongjoong though. He is a professional student who is in control of his hormones. “We both have to work on this essay not just one of us”. Seonghwa groans and takes off his shirt while walking back to the mirror. “It’s too fucking hot in here”. The pencil Hongjoong was holding snaps. 

Hongjoong spends the following 30 minutes convincing himself he does NOT have a crush on Seonghwa. His thoughts are going 1000 miles per hour and he can’t focus on anything else. He is starting to get annoyed with himself. At 5:30 pm, an hour before they usually stop, he gets up to leave. “Kim Hongjoong where are you going? I thought you wanted to learn the choreo as well?”. Hongjoong doesn’t react. He grabs his coat and wants to open the door but is stopped by Seonghwa. 

“Where do you think you’re going?”. Hongjoong thanks god Seonghwa had put his shirt back on. “Excuse me? Where do you think I’m going” “There’s no need for you to be such a gigantic dick Hongjoong”. “Oh fuck you Seonghwa, if someone is a dick it’s you”. Hongjoong reaches for the door handle again but Seonghwa slams the door shut before he can get out. “Seonghwa I am going to give you 5 seconds to let me out”. Seonghwa leans in closer “or what”. “Or I will punch that grin from your face”. Seonghwa scoffs. “I would love to see you try Kim Hongjoong, you can barely reach the top shelf”. And that’s it. Hongjoong snaps. His hand is on Seonghwa’s cheek before he can stop himself.

Seonghwa doesn’t even react. He grabs Hongjoong by his collar and slams him against the door. “Don’t ever fucking do that again”. Hongjoong laughs. “You think you’re scaring me? Try again”. Seonghwa lets go of his collar, but he doesn’t step away. Hongjoong doesn’t either. They stand there looking at each other for what feels like an hour. Hongjoong has never felt this much tension in his entire life. 

And right when he thought Seonghwa would leave, he puts his hands on his shoulders and kisses him on the mouth. Hongjoong wants to push him away but let's be real, there is no need to pretend. All he knows is that his hands are tangled in Seonghwa’s hair and his bottom lip between Seonghwa’s teeth. “You. Are so fucking annoying”. Hongjoong puts his hand on the back of Seonghwa’s neck and the other on the back of his head. “Try again when my ass is not in your hands big guy”. They pull away for a second to catch their breath. Only for Seonghwa to grab Hongjoong by his shirt and drag him back to his chair. “You are fucking kidding me right? Anyone can walk in”. Seonghwa ignores him and starts kissing his neck. “Seonghwa really-“. Hongjoong loses track of what he wanted to say when Seonghwa squeezes his thighs. 

But it is still over too soon. “You’re right Hongjoong”. Seonghwa gets up and starts grabbing all his stuff. Hongjoong doesn’t even know what to say. Seonghwa leaves without saying another word. Hongjoong can’t do anything but sit there, his face hot and red. He just had the most intense make out of his life and the guy just walked out without saying anything. He is about to get up when his phone buzzes. 

Seonghwa: My place tomorrow 4 PM.  
Seonghwa: Nerd.


	4. I can shine on my own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> every revolution starts and ends with his lips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.. after reading this you will all know what song hongjoong has been working on the entire fic. i did know it was going to be this song from the start. if you read the last chapters closely you may notice ;). okay bye. enjoy <33

One month has passed since Hongjoong and Seonghwa started working together. The choreo is done and the song is too. All there is left is recording and… the essay. You would think that they would get it done as soon as possible. Instead every time they got together Hongjoong found himself being shoved into the nearest empty room. He was extremely thankful that it was winter and not summer. His knees were filled with bruises and his chest with hickeys. 

Seonghwa made Hongjoong promise he wouldn’t tell anyone about what they were doing. So Hongjoong told Yeosang the second he got home that Wednesday. “Are you fucking kidding me? You two fight every day for like 3 years straight and now you tell me you’re sucking- “Please don’t”. 

It also made lunch break a lot harder. Ever since San and Wooyoung told everyone they were dating they have been all over each other, even more so than before.  
They made out every single time they saw each other. During lunch they act like they haven’t seen each other just a few hours ago, and like they haven’t been texting nonstop. “Seriously you two I’m losing my appetite; can you guys keep it in your pants for one second?”. Now there is something Yeosang and Hongjoong could agree on. 

Since Hongjoong and Seonghwa stopped fighting they also started having lunch with the entire friend group, which meant 8 people. And since it was too cold to sit outside, they were always squished together at one table. “So Hongjoong Hyung do you have a boyfriend?”. Hongjoong nearly choked on his sandwich. “Yunho Hyung, that is the opposite of subtle”. Mingi laughed as he hit Hongjoong’s back. Hongjoong managed to get out a small “Okay that’s enough” between coughs. 

“I don’t have a boyfriend Yunho, but thanks for reminding me”. Yunho looked at Mingi but he just shrugged. “So why does it look like you have been attacked by a damn vampire?”. Jongho looked him dead in the eye. Mingi put his head in his hands and sighed. Seonghwa who was sitting on the other side of the table, bit his lip to stop him from laughing. “Okay guys come on that’s enough, Hongjoong Hyung is under a lot of stress” Hongjoong stared at Yeosang. “We have to respect his ways to deal with it”. There it was. Still, he was thankful for Yeosang saving him. 

///

Seonghwa’s bedroom was filled with posters and stickers of movies and bands. Hongjoong tried to focus on them while Seonghwa drew figures on his chest. Something felt off but he couldn’t place it. They hadn’t said a word to each other since they arrived at Seonghwa’s house, except the necessary ones. 

“Why do you always do this Hongjoong?”. He snapped out of his thoughts. “Do what Seonghwa”. The other stopped his movements on Hongjoong’s chest and gave him a look. “After, you know, you just get so quiet and ignore my existence”. Seonghwa sounded genuinely hurt, which Hongjoong did not understand. Seonghwa has never shown even the smallest bit of interest in Hongjoong so why is he so butthurt now? The truth is Hongjoong liked Seonghwa. Like, a lot. But it’s not like Seonghwa would understand. So, he stayed silent. And he tried his very best to ignore him and not look into his eyes. Or listen to his laugh. Or look at those lips. “Hongjoong? Are you there?”. 

“I have to go”. Seonghwa laughed. “It’s only 5 PM”. But Hongjoong got up and started putting on his clothes. “Hongjoong what’s going on?”. Hongjoong snapped his head up. “You wouldn’t understand”. Seonghwa got up too. “How can you say that when I don’t even know what’s wrong?? You never tell me anything! You don’t let me in for fuck's sake!”. 

Hongjoong felt his eyes water but he wiped it away. “Why do I need to let you in all of a sudden? You have never been anything but an asshole to me! Just because we’re fucking doesn’t mean I have to tell you everything okay?”. Hongjoong took a step back, Seonghwa took one step forward.  
“I am going to leave now. And you’re going to let me”. Seonghwa didn’t have anything to say. 

///

After their discussion, the days went by very slowly. Hongjoong and Seonghwa hadn’t talked to each other in a week. And that was a problem. Not only did they have to have their entire project finished in 3 weeks, but they also had to perform it. Hongjoong was busy convincing all his friends to sing for the track he made, but it felt off. Something was missing. 

“Hyung I’m sorry but I don’t think I fit for this part”. Hongjoong bit his lip in frustration. “Yeosang, you can do it, just drag out the promise a millisecond longer”. Yeosang took off his headphones and walked out of the studio. “I didn’t want to sing in the first place”. “If you don’t sing this part you only have like half a line”. Yeosang laughed. “Well merry fucking Christmas to me. You know I don’t like performing and all that stuff”. Hongjoong felt like banging his head into the glass. 

“And by the way, I called Seonghwa Hyung to do it for me”. Hongjoong almost snapped his neck for turning around so fast. “You did WHAT?”. Yeosang smiled. “Bye Hyung, don’t make it too late”. The second Yeosang closed the door it opened again. And Seonghwa came in. “We’re you just waiting there to come in?”. Seonghwa rolled his eyes. And mumbled a “What about it” before walking into the studio. “So, you can sing?”. Seonghwa put on the headphones. “Are you going to tell me what to do or are you just going to ask more stupid questions?”. Ouch. He deserved that one though. Hongjoong played the part a few times so Seonghwa could memorize it. He got it right in just two attempts. 

“Thanks”. Seonghwa grabbed his bag but didn’t leave. Hongjoong felt his heartbeat so loud, he was afraid Seonghwa would hear. “Seonghwa I’m sorry”. Seonghwa stared at his shoes. It was quiet for a moment. “Okay. Thank you, Kim Hongjoong,”.  
He took a step forward. And another. Until he was close enough to feel Hongjoong’s breath again. 

Hongjoong closed his eyes when he felt the other’s lips on his. And just like that, everything was okay


	5. Don’t let go of my hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things get angsty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello lovely atiny and other people reading this! i am so sorry this took ages to upload, im literally drowning in schoolwork. so much has happened since the last chapter!! there was a whole comeback lmao. anyway its almost 1 am so im gonna go. enjoy.

“Seriously Yunho we need this done in a few days stop fucking around” Hongjoong had a headache. Dancing together with 6 of his friends (and Seonghwa) turned out to be a lot more work than he expected. Hongjoong figured if they all sang for his track they might as well dance with them. Besides, they could use the extra points as well. 

It seriously felt like Hongjoong had 6 kids at that moment. “Okay guys let’s do it at least a few more hours, we can’t have half a performance”. Yeosang choked on his water and looked at Hongjoong like he was about to kill him. “A few hours?!?!? Are you insane?”. The others made some approving sounds. San made an apologetic face. “He has a point Hyung, it’s 7 PM already, I’m starving”. 

“Okay fine, 30 minutes. And no complaining”. Hongjoong had to give it to them, they were working really hard. He didn’t want his friends to be exhausted either. But mostly he was afraid of Yeosang driving home without him, or locking the door when he was out. Because yes, he has done that before. “Let’s do it together one more time, and then practice the parts you find difficult”. Seonghwa walked to the front of the room and waited for everyone to take their positions. “Do it without me this time. Let’s see how well you all know it”.

///

After practice, they decided to go out for dinner together. And of course, Hongjoong ended up next to Seonghwa. He was exhausted but satisfied. The choreo was looking flawless and the last 30 minutes of practice there were barely any mistakes. But Hongjoong was a perfectionist, so he was not letting them go that easily. They still had about 4 days left till the performance and he sure as hell wasn’t letting them go to waste. 

Hongjoong was about to shove a spoonful of rice in his mouth when Seonghwa put his hand on his thigh. But see, this doesn’t bother Hongjoong at all. This was nothing. It was just a hand. 

“Hyung are you okay?”. Yunho stared at him from across the table. “Your face is completely red”. Hongjoong swallowed and smiled. “Yeah, I’m fine don’t worry”. Hongjoong gave Seonghwa the most intimidating and angry face he could do. It didn’t seem to work. Seonghwa just gave one of his annoying handsome smiles back. That did it. Hongjoong abruptly got up and stormed to the bathroom. 

“Seriously what’s up with Hongjoong Hyung today?”. Yeosang rolled his eyes. “He’s just stressed, as always”. Mingi was not satisfied with that answer though. “Someone go check on him. Seonghwa Hyung you do it”. Seonghwa’s head shot up immediately. “Why me? I fucking hate the guy”. Now Jongho was the one to roll his eyes. “No, you fucking don’t”. “Language! But he’s right Hyung. You guys are always together”. Wooyoung smirked. “Whatever, ill go. If that means you will all stop being a pain in my ass”. He got up and walked to the bathroom very dramatically. “Love you too I guess”. San whispered. Seonghwa put out his middle finger. 

“I love you does that count?”. Wooyoung smirked and gave San a quick kiss on his nose. Jongho made gagging noises. Yeosang dropped his fork back on to his plate. “Seriously guys? ONE family dinner that’s all I ask”. 

///

Hongjoong was just finished splashing water in his face when Seonghwa walked in. The whole room was suddenly on fire. Hongjoong was very glad it was quiet in the restaurant that evening. He was pretty sure that other people in the bathroom would have heard his extremely high pitched shriek when Seonghwa suddenly shoved him against a stall. “The others wanted me to check on you”. Hongjoong was in no position to be his bratty self, being pushed against a stall by a tall man and all. But he is Kim Hongjoong. So he does what Kim Hongjoong does best around Seonghwa. “How considerate of you”. 

Seonghwa had to hold himself back from choking the life out of him right there and then. He couldn’t say he didn’t like the taste of Hongjoong’s lips on his, though. He tried to put out a sentence in between Hongjoong’s desperate lips searching for his. ”Come.. over.. tonight”. Hongjoong finally pulled back, out of breath and lips swollen and red. He was about to answer when the door opened. 

“Hongjoong Hyung can you get Seonghwa Hyung’s dick out of your mouth for one second and come back to the dinner table?”. A very annoyed Yeosang was standing in the doorway. “San is convincing everyone Seonghwa Hyung killed you”. Seonghwa shrugged. “He’s not far from the truth”.

///

Hongjoong hadn’t been in love for a very long time. He wasn’t sure if he even felt real love before this. He didn’t know this feeling. Whenever Seonghwa was in the room he could feel his hard beating out of his chest. And he was suddenly out of breath even though he was sitting down. The room seemed to be fading except for him.

Him. The boy who had been an asshole to him for years. The boy who only ever talked about girls. The boy who stole his heart without realizing it. Hongjoong was sure now. It wasn’t just wanting to kiss him. It was the fact that he never got enough of him. The fact that he was the first thing he thought about when he woke up, and the last before he fell asleep. And the fact that he all he wanted when he was having a shitty day, was laying in his arms. And smell his cologne on his sweater. But that was not what was happening. Seonghwa didn’t see him that way. And even if he did, he wouldn’t want to date him. He didn’t even want to tell anyone about them. 

Hongjoong looked over at the clock striking three a.m. And then turned back to look at Seonghwa. The moonlight was shining on his face and body, making him look like a literal god. “Seonghwa”. He hummed. “Yes baby”. The pet name rolled out of his mouth like it was nothing. Hongjoong had to take a breath and recollect himself. “I want to tell them”. Seonghwa sighed. “Hongjoong, we talked about this”. Hongjoong didn’t like it when Seonghwa used his real name. He liked baby more. “We are talking about it again”. Seonghwa sat up. “There is nothing to talk about okay? We are nothing. We’re not even friends”. Hongjoong got up too. “So you don’t think of me as anything else except someone who you can fuck sometimes?”. Seonghwa looked angry. “Yeah. I guess you could say that”. 

“God, you’re such a fucking dick Seonghwa. You only ever think about yourself. You never even stopped to think that I may like you more than you know”. Seonghwa looked surprised. “You like me?”. Fuck. He couldn’t go back now. “Yes. I fucking like you okay? I really fucking like you and I want to be able to kiss you whenever I want and not only when you want to fuck me”. 

“That’s enough Hongjoong”. Hongjoong felt like his head was about to explode. He was so angry he wasn’t thinking straight anymore. “That’s all you fucking have to say to me?”. Seonghwa stared at him, pissed. “Yes, that’s fucking all!! This was stupid and I never should have done this. You’re just as annoying as I always thought you were and nothing is going to change that”. Hongjoong snapped and planted his fist right on that pretty face of him. “You did not just fucking punch me”. 

Seonghwa got up and punched Hongjoong so hard he saw stars. After that, it was mostly a blur for Hongjoong. When he came back to his senses he was under Seonghwa. Face bruised and his lip bleeding. Seonghwa looked at his hands like he couldn’t believe what just happened. “Fuck. Hongjoong. I’m so sorry”. Hongjoong pushed him off of him and put on his clothes as fast as he could. 

“I wish I never met you”. Seonghwa looked defeated. His lips were shaking and he had an ugly bruise on the side of his face. “Hongjoong it’s the middle of the night, please-“. Hongjoong didn’t waste a second and walked out of the door as fast as he could. He walked all the way home. 

He cried until It felt like his head was going to fall off. He finally fell asleep at 6 in the morning. Alone, cold and miles away from the strong arms of the only boy he had ever loved.


	6. Chapter six. Like a star in the dark night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hongjoong get's a wake-up call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, it's been a very long time since I posted anything. I hope everyone is doing well and isn't getting sick!!  
This is kind of short because I lowkey forgot about it (oops) Stay safe!!

Heartbreak was new for Hongjoong. He thought he had his heartbroken before. Like that one time when he was twelve and he told a boy he liked him, and the boy just made a disgusted face and ran away screaming “eeeeew!”. Turns out, that’s not what heartbreak feels like. And he wasn’t a weak person either. He considered himself strong-minded and he didn’t cry that often. But this time it was different.

Heartbreak, he thought, was the worst pain he had ever felt. It felt like a piece of him was ripped out from his chest, and there was just a gaping hole now. He felt empty. And more than anything, he felt bad for his friends. They did everything they could to cheer him up. Yeosang even stopped playing BTS and replaced them with Hongjoong’s favorite songs. But nothing worked. He had become good at putting up a smile and pretending to eat but it always got to him at night. 

It was exhausting. He couldn’t sleep for hours, and when he finally did, he would have the same dream night after night. He usually woke up at around 5 A.M wanting to text him and then realizing.

‘It’s not like we were a couple’ he tells himself. They weren’t. But they sure acted like it. They never said I love you, they never even talked about things they liked and disliked. But Hongjoong always thought they didn’t need to. And without realizing he had slowly become used to Seonghwa kissing him good night. He had become used to Seonghwa grabbing his hand under the table and slowly drawing circles on his hand. And all he could think about these days was how bad he wished he hadn’t. 

///

“Hyung? There are some people here to see you”. Hongjoong had never heard Yeosang’s voice so small and quiet. He hated the pity that dripped of his words, but he knew it wasn’t his fault. Hongjoong had been locked up in his dark room for days. 

“Well tell them thank you, but I’m not coming out”. Yeosang sighed. “That’s enough Hyung! I know you’re sad and know you don’t want to, but I have 5 other people waiting in the living room just for you to come out and see them. It’s not going to get any better if you keep living like this!”. Hongjoong jumped out, face puffy and wearing only his underwear and a big shirt. “You do not tell me what to do. You don’t have the slightest clue how this feels!”. Now Yeosang got angry too. “Well, you never tell anyone, do you?! This is why Seonghwa was mad too, he just wanted you to talk about how you feel for once instead of shutting everyone out!! We can’t fucking sense how you’re feeling every second Hongjoong!!!”. Hongjoong took a step back. “I did! I did tell him!” he felt his voice breaking but he couldn’t care less. “I told him… and he told me that it was stupid, and we should never have done any of that”. Tears were streaming out of his eyes at this point. “I loved him Yeosangie”. The last word came out more like a sob. Yeosang slowly stepped forward and pulled him into a tight hug. “I’m sorry for screaming Hyung”. Hongjoong laughed into his shoulder “It’s okay”. They heard the bedroom door softly open and people coming in. Hongjoong was too exhausted to even lookup. But it didn’t matter, because a moment later he felt another pair of arms. And another. Until he was surrounded by the arms of his friends.

He had been so selfish, he thought he only had one pair of arms that he loved, but all this time there had been six others waiting for him to show some emotion. 

“Hongjoong Hyung we were all really worried about you”. It was Yunho, his voice sounded shaky. “To be honest, our group wasn’t the same. You were kind of our one constant thing who kept an eye on us, and we didn’t know what to do without you”. This time it was San. 

They slowly broke apart and stood there for a second. Hongjoong stared at his feet and sniffed. “Okay I love you all to death, but we can’t let the man stand here like that. Hyung go put on some clothes you literally have the best fashion sense here and you are out here looking like… this”. Hongjoong looked up at Mingi’s grinning face and couldn’t help but smile. “Only because you ask so nicely”.

///

“Wooyoung why are you so pessimistic all the time let us have things”. Wooyoung rolled his eyes at Yunho. “You thought Hongjoong Hyung would cheer up from getting ice cream in the middle of winter”. Jongho mumbled something along the lines of “he has a point” in-between the big bites of ice cream. “Honestly I think Yunho just wanted ice cream”. Yeosang looks at Yunho from across the table. Yunho pouts and tries putting his arms over each other, almost dropping his ice cream in the process. 

Hongjoong would not admit this out loud, but he was glad he came along with them. He finally felt like himself again, wearing clothes that looked good instead of the same 3 shirts and sweaters. 

“We still have to hold our performance guys”. San said this very cautiously, thinking it would make it less upsetting. 

Everyone nodded and looked at the ground. Hongjoong took a deep breath. “You’re right San. But don’t think I’ll come anywhere near that asshole. I’d rather die”. Yeosang sighed but nodded. “Fine, I guess we’ll do it without him, but we should start practicing more, it’s next week already”. Everyone hummed in agreement.


End file.
